


Despite What You've Been Told

by Weevilo707



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Game Over Timeline, M/M, Pining, Quadrant Confusion, You Decide, a kind of unhappy kind of not relationship, hint it's dave, pre-retcon, sort of sadstuck, which one of them is lying?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3311501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weevilo707/pseuds/Weevilo707
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><span class="italics">"And you know by now it's half past late,</span><br/><span class="italics">And I only came here for escape,</span><br/><span class="italics">And you you're just my next mistake,</span><br/><span class="italics">Like me to you."</span><br/> <br/>Karkat Vantas does not have any feeling for Dave Strider stronger than friendship, and he's fine with that.<br/> <br/>Dave Strider knows Karkat Vantas doesn't feel anything for him, and he tells himself that he's fine with that.</p>
<p>They're going to fuck everything up, aren't they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Somewhere along the lines things had changed, and Karkat wasn’t sure exactly when that had happened.

He’d fucking hated the douche at first and for a long time afterwards too, almost a whole sweep if he thought about it. It was hard to keep track of time on the meteor. It wasn’t like that kind of hate either, fuck no. They’d had enough arguments over the finer nuances of black romance to last a lifetime, and Karkat had to just give in to the fact that Strider was just never going to fucking get it. 

He still hates him. At least he’s pretty sure he does, but it was in a friendly way because he supposed Dave wasn’t quite as much of a douche as he first thought him to be. Or well he was, but he could deal with it now. Fuck, he didn’t have much of a choice if he didn’t want to spend the rest of this trip completely alone after all. He was pretty sure Dave had the same sentiment too, or else things most likely would have gone in a much different direction. 

If he thought about it hard enough, it was most likely the culmination of a perfect clusterfuck of events. Rose and Kanaya were each more and more wrapped up in each other as time went on. It wasn't long before it was to the point where hardly anyone would see either of them without the other, which just got awkward after a while. Gamzee and Terezi’s whole debacle had managed to rip the last of what they were each holding onto away simultaneously. The mess leaving them as two hopeless fuck ups with nothing left to distract them on this miserable rock.

Except for the Mayor, he was pretty awesome and a great listener.

Hell, they only started hanging out with each other without biting their respective heads off through the Mayor. It was harder to fight when there was a happy little guy clapping over a couple of dumb cans he stacked on top of each other.

It was also harder to fight when you couldn’t bring yourself to care anymore. 

Seriously, what could they fight about at that point? They’d already argued about everything under the green sun. Karkat couldn’t work up the irritation over the little things anymore and Dave had run out of different ways to make black innuendos a long time ago. 

Any of the recent happenings on the meteor were mutually understood to be off limits. God, he could just imagine how that fight would have gone down.

“Your clown boyfriend left you for your ex.”

“Your girlfriend left you for a clown.” 

Yeah, they weren’t going to touch that one. It just wasn’t worth it. 

Fucking hell though, when they started civilly hanging out with each other due to a complete lack of other available options, he didn’t think this would be the god damn result. 

Karkat sure as fuck didn’t expect to find himself laying on top of him on some ratty old couch, lazily kissing up his neck as Dave combed his fingers through the troll’s hair. 

He definitely had no idea how this all started. The first time it happened they’d been watching one of his movies and Dave was complaining less than usual. He figured he must have been tired or something. Then Karkat wasn’t sure what was happening but he had a lap full of Strider and they were making out and it honestly wasn’t as horrible as he’d thought it would be. 

Once the movie finished and they stopped, the two didn’t talk about it or even acknowledge it and they still kind of haven’t. It was just kind of something they did now and it was pretty nice when he wasn't thinking about it.

“What are you doing?” Dave asked, which was a little weird because they didn’t talk when they were doing this kind of shit. Karkat rolled his eyes as he answered, not moving from his spot on the human’s neck.

“The fuck it look like?” he snapped back, one of Dave’s arm moving to wrap around his back while the other stayed messing with his hair. 

“Yeah, I guess I can see what. Any particular reason though?” he asked, and Karkat frowned as he thought of what had led to this point this time. 

Dave had been lying on the couch when he came into the room, not doing anything and Karkat had only woken up a little while ago and wasn’t hungry yet. Even if he was he didn’t want to chance running into Rose and Kanaya to get something to eat. He’d sat down on the human’s legs and soon enough he was stretched out on top of him because there wasn’t anything better to do honestly.

“Not really, was kind of bored,” he answered truthfully, moving up from his neck to his lips to get him to stop talking. Talking about this shit was weird, it was better to just do it and forget about it when they were done. The hand in his hair fell to cup his face and Karkat could feel the other boy practically sigh into the kiss. It wasn’t long before he was pulling away though and the troll frowned in irritation.

“What, you mean you don’t love me?” Dave asked, mock horror in his voice and Karkat sneered at the question. 

“Fuck no,” he answered near instantaneously, not needing to think it over at all. No, he didn’t fucking love Dave, what kind of question even was that? 

Karkat pressed his lips against Dave’s roughly, plunging his tongue into the other’s mouth because they were done talking about this. Dave didn’t seem to mind one bit. Instead kissing back without any hesitation and moving his hand underneath his shirt, trailing his fingers lightly up and down the troll’s back.

Karkat’s back arched at the light touches, the feeling just a hair away from tickling him and okay fuck Strider for that. Seriously, fuck him. Karkat moved his hands from where they were uselessly at his side up to Dave’s neck, pulling his claws along his collarbone. It wasn't hard enough to draw blood but instead just enough to make fine white lines on his skin.

Dave deepened the kiss as he started rubbing circles on and around his horns, the soft touches on his back pressing harder into him. A soft groan rumbled in Karkat’s throat as he moved to nip at Dave’s lips, careful not to bite too hard. 

This wasn’t black. This wasn’t anything.

The door opened and they broke the kiss to see who was coming in, both surprised at the interruption. They didn’t see the others much anymore unless they went looking, which was happening less and less as time  
stretched on. 

The mayor was attempting to close the door behind him without dropping any of the chalk he had clutched in his small hands. 

“Sup little dude? You bored or something?” Dave asked as he slipped his hands out of Karkat’s shirt and hair, pulling himself from under the troll as well. The mayor sat on the floor and started drawing with the chalk, and Karkat attempted to go back to what they were doing. Dave had his hands up, pushing him away before he was able to get close. 

“What are you doing man? The mayors right there,” Dave said, motioning towards where he was drawing. Karkat groaned and rolled his eyes, because really now? He was seriously going to do this?

“So? He doesn’t care,” he said, moving in to kiss along Dave's jaw only to be pushed away again.

“Can’t do it in front of the mayor dude, ain’t right. I’m not gonna be the one to contaminate him like that, Rose can take the blame for the inevitability,” he argued. 

“Fuck you.”

“I know you’d like to,” Dave joked back.

“You’re an ass,” Karkat said, this time being the one to push Dave away. 

“Yeah, love you too.”

“No you don’t.” he shot down without thinking. He knew it was a joke but fuck he didn’t want them joking about that shit when he was confused as fuck himself. It wasn’t his feelings he didn’t understand, because there were no feelings. Dave was his friend yeah, but that was it and he could replace him in his mind with anyone else and it wouldn’t change anything. 

It was just the fact that this was a thing at all. It was weird and he didn’t want to admit it because fuck he should have a better handle on himself by now. 

“I know,” Dave said, and they were both quiet for a moment before he started again. “So, why are we doing this then?” he asked, and Karkat groaned, his head falling into his hands.

“You seriously want to do this now?” he snapped back.

“What, is it a bad time or something?” Dave asked and Karkat glared at him.

“A much better time would have been the first time we made out, dumbass” he growled. He wasn’t actually pissed about not talking about it, but if they were going to they had definitely missed the chance. Dave sighed, running a hand through his hair as he answered.

“Yeah okay, you’re probably right about that, but looks like I fucked up and we didn’t so now we’re going to,” Dave declared. 

“No, we’re not,” the troll said, no room for argument in his voice, not that that would ever stop Dave from trying to anyway.

“Why? I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“There’s nothing to fucking talk about that’s why. If you don’t know what’s going on here, I’ll tell you. We’re a couple of fucked up horny teenagers who’ve been stuck on this rock with the same people for almost three of your human years and so sometimes we make out, it’s not hard!” he yelled. The mayor looked over at them due to the outburst, but soon went back to his drawing. 

Dave didn’t say anything for a good while, not even looking at Karkat as he seemed to let what the troll said sink in. 

“Want me to make it hard?” he finally asked, an overtly sexy tone to his voice and smirk on his face. Karkat didn’t hesitate before punching him in the shoulder strong enough so that it would definitely hurt. Dave’s yelp of pain confirmation of this fact, much to Karkat’s delight. 

“I thought not in front of the fucking mayor,” he mocked, Dave snickering as he rubbed his arm. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know, later,” he winked, and Karkat was about .3 seconds away from punching the douche once again. The stupid innuendo he made doesn’t even work with trolls. 

The two were quiet for some time, Dave every so often making comments to the Mayor about what he was drawing. Karkat curled himself up on the other end of the couch, starting to get hungry but ignoring the feeling. 

He didn’t notice Dave getting closer to him until the human was draped across his back, chin resting on his shoulder. 

“You okay?” he asked, Karkat shrugging in an attempt to get him off and failing. 

“I’m fucking fine, get off me,” he growled. Dave seemed to think the command over a bit before answering.

“Nope, no can do there,” he said, pulling Karkat closer to him and shifting his head to start pressing soft kisses behind his ear.

It was so sickeningly sweet fuck, it barely constituted as red. It was more pale than anything, god they were so fucked up. Karkat squirmed in his grip, trying to get away but Dave just pulled him tighter. 

“The mayor's still here you fucking idiot,” he tried, but Dave didn’t seem to care about that anymore for some god damn reason. 

“I know, I’m not doing anything,” he muttered into his skin. Karkat tried to crane his neck away, but only ended up giving him more of an area to kiss.

“Like hell you aren’t. Stop it,” he commanded. Dave hummed against him, and fuck it felt nice. Karkat felt himself ever so slightly lean back into his hold, feeling Dave’s lips twitch into a small smile at the motion. 

“What were you saying again?” Dave asked, moving his arms down to interlace his finger’s with Karkat’s.

“You’re a quadrant hopping harlot and you need to fucking stop,” he snapped, a lot of the bite having left his voice though. Dave chuckled at him, rubbing calming circles into the troll’s hands with his thumbs. 

Fuck, he wasn’t supposed to be able to placate him like this. It wasn’t a part of the things they’d been doing before and he wasn’t fucking pale for this asshat. He wasn't anything for him, it was confusing and difficult and fuck he didn’t want it to stop. 

“I don’t do quadrants remember?” Dave remarked. Karkat rolled his eyes, because he most certainly did not forget. In fact that just added a whole other layer onto all this madness to make it even more nonsensical. 

“Well, just so you know, this shit,” Karkat squeezed Dave’s hands for emphasis, “is pretty fucking pale,” he said, feeling the human shrug behind him.

“Whatever dude, not my problem,” he said, going back to kissing down and along his neck again.

“I don’t feel that way about you, you know,” Karkat said, Dave just humming an affirmative in response. “I mean it, I don’t,” he pressed. 

“I know dude,” Dave reassured him, but it wasn’t enough for some reason. He didn’t fucking like Dave like that and fuck he didn’t want to give him the wrong idea or lead him on any. 

“I’m fucking serious I don’t have any feelings for you Strider. You’re a good friend but that’s it,” he continued. 

"I get it, it’s fine. Just relax for a second okay,” he commanded, shifting them around so that they were lying down once again, Karkat allowing him to. When he looked back to where the mayor was, he seemed to have left some time when they were messing with each other.

“I am relaxed, shut up,” Karkat mumbled, nuzzling his head into the human’s arm slightly. Dave kept one hand interlocked with his and moved the other back to his hair. He tended to mess with his hair a lot, it was nice. 

“You don’t have feelings for me either,” he added after a moment, feeling Dave nod underneath him. 

“Not a one, no need to worry about that,” he agreed, and Karkat sighed in relief. 

Fuck, how could he be so tired already? He’d only woken up a little while ago, but he guessed he’d never been fully awake, so it was pretty easy to slip back into a sleepy state. Yeah, you know what, screw waking up, he was going to just sleep here for the moment.

“You promise?” he asked, needing to know before he went to fell asleep. Dave had wanted to talk about it and this was probably the last time they were going to, so he needed to be fucking certain. 

“Promise what?” Dave asked back, sounding confused.  


“That you don’t like me. I don’t want to use you like some douchebag,” Karkat clarified. 

“I promise. You’re right about all of this, and once we’re off this fucking rock we can go on being normal god damn friends and not have to worry about all this emotion shit,” Dave declared.

“Good,” Karkat muttered, closing his eyes as he did so. He cared way too much about Dave to have any feelings for him, and he was all he had left and he couldn’t deal with the idea of losing him too because of fucking around like this. 

“Goodnight dude,” Dave said, rubbing a thumb along his horn.

“It’s night?” Karkat asked, and Dave shrugged.

“Sure, why the fuck not,” he said, and yeah, Karkat could go with that. Why the fuck not seemed to be the reasoning behind most of what was going on this them. 

The answer to that was that there was no reason not to. They would be messes either way, so why not be fucked up together. 

At the very least, it was a lot less lonely.


	2. Chapter 2

Somewhere along the line things had changed, and Dave was desperate to pretend that it didn’t hurt. 

This wasn't supposed to happen, not at fucking all. This was Karkat of all people. He was sappy and a hopeless romantic and was not someone who was just down for casual make outs.

Turns out he wasn't someone who was down with a relationship with the human either. It wasn’t that was what he wanted, or fuck he wasn’t sure if it was. It didn’t matter either way though, because it was clear as all hell that Karkat wasn’t having it. Really, he should have known what would happen if he tried to talk about what they were doing. There was no way the troll liked him but he had to go and try it anyway and then be fucking surprised that he was shot down.

Or no, he wasn’t shot down, because he never proposed anything to begin with, thank fuck. Karkat would have been mortified and it would have driven a wedge into whatever friendship they did have, which neither of them could deal with at the moment. It was the only thing they had left to lose and the idea of having absolutely nothing sucked.

Not that Dave wasn’t doing a fine job of sabotaging all that himself. He wasn’t sure how long it’d been since he’d gotten the bright idea of trying to talk to Karkat about any feelings that may or may not be present in him. He hadn’t seen the troll since then though, and it had been a few days at least. He tried to pretend that he wasn’t avoiding him, that the meteor was just big and they happened to keep missing each other.

It’d never been a problem before, but that didn’t matter. It was a problem now and he wasn’t about to admit the much bigger problem. He just couldn’t run into Karkat for some reason and the fact that he’d been staying away from any of the commons rooms or even his own room was completely unrelated.

Good god, when the hell did he get so bad at pretending? 

He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t moping and that Karkat was right and it was just because they were bored and lonely and that he was perfectly fucking fine with all of this. 

Fuck emotions. 

“Holy shit flinging fuck, there you are,” a voice called from far down the corridor behind him. Dave managed to keep himself from flinching and instead turned calmly towards the troll, raising a hand in a lazy wave.

“Sup?” he asked, watching as Karkat sputtered in anger and disbelief. 

He was so fucking cute. It wasn’t fair. 

“ _Sup?_ I haven’t seen you for nearly a week and all you have to say is sup?” Karkat growled, his hands bunched into fists at his side. Dave simply shrugged, moving to lean against the wall. 

“Aw, did you miss me? I’m sorry babe, you know I don’t mean to neglect you and the kids, work’s been a hassle and the boss-” he was cut off by Karkat practically slamming himself against Dave, roughly kissing at his lips.

Dave didn’t miss a beat, kissing back and ignoring the pang in his chest when Karkat’s arms moved up to wrap around his neck and the kiss slowed into something less harsh. God, why did he have to be so sweet? Dave moved his own hands to the troll’s waist, pulling him in closer and deepening the kiss. 

He kept telling himself that he needed to stop this. He was going to slip up one of these days and Karkat would realize what was going on and hate him. He was so fucking worried about using Dave but he couldn’t bring himself to break the kiss because then Karkat might ask why and fuck talking. He tried it once and it sucked. 0 out of 10 would not try again. 

Eventually Karkat pulled away from his mouth, although he didn’t bother removing his clawed hands from where they were tangled up in Dave’s hair. The troll muttered to him in between kissing along his jaw and down his neck.

“You are such… a fucking asshole… I was fucking… _worried_ about you… don’t you disappear like that ever again... you dick,” he managed to say as he proceeded to mark up Dave’s neck.

“Aw yeah baby, I love it when you talk dirty to me,” the human joked, not trusting himself to say anything that wasn’t obviously a joke or insincere. He couldn’t know how fucking serious he was, not after last time. Not after he’d practically fucking begged him to not have feelings for him.

“Fuck!” Dave yelped, Karkat having bit down near his collarbone hard enough to puncture the skin. 

“Stop being an asshole,” the troll told him, leaving his neck and moving back up to capture his mouth in another kiss. Dave let him, despite being tempted to bitch about the whole biting thing. He supposed he sort of deserved it with the whole avoiding thing.

He hadn’t been avoiding him though. It was just… yeah. 

When Karkat slipped his tongue into Dave’s mouth he let him do that too, and when his hands drop out of the human’s hair and instead slid themselves under his shirt, Dave didn’t do anything but try to hold back a groan.

“Ya know,” he muttered when Karkat pulled back for a breath, “this really isn’t how most people greet their friends,” he finished, cursing himself because why the fuck was he still talking? The last time he tried that it fucked shit up and he was walking a tightrope as it was. He couldn’t risk this shit.

“Fuck you,” the troll growled.

“That’s the plan huh?” Dave joked, because he was an idiot who couldn’t stop talking. 

“Yep,” Karkat answered, moving back in to kiss Dave once again.

“Uh,” he managed to stumbled out, body suddenly rigid as he tried to process what he just said because what. That was not what he was supposed to say. Jesus he was supposed to get all pissed and argue with him and oh god. Karkat was still trying to kiss him but even though Dave wasn’t able to talk anymore he wasn’t able to do anything else either.

Karkat started to awkwardly pull away from him, quickly realizing that something was wrong with Dave. Not that it was a hard thing to figure out, his brain just decided to go full on blue screen of death on him. 

“Or we can um, not, if you don’t, yeah,” Karkat mumbled, and fuck he made this so awkward. Even still, Dave found himself nodding because there was no goddamn way he’d be able to go through with that. Not like this because it already hurt and he didn’t think he’d be able to recover from that kind of pain.

"Um, yeah maybe we should… not,” he managed to get out, trying to push down the fucking ache that was pounding in his chest when he looked at the troll. His face had turned from grey to beat red and he was refusing to make eye contact with him and he looked so god damn uncertain. He didn't want to hurt Dave but what the fuck could he do when the human was so set on hurting himself?

“But you know, we can still do, like, other stuff,” Dave added. Karkat nodded, but he looked so fucking embarrassed and fuck he’d just fucked up this whole thing didn’t he? Karkat wasn’t going to be comfortable doing shit like this anymore and you know what Dave should be happy about this. 

He should be fucking glad that he didn’t have to deal with all of this and the pain that came along with faking and lying and just knowing that none of it was fucking real and it would never be. Karkat had said that he didn’t want to end up using Dave like a tool and here was his chance to put an end to it all before it managed to blow up in his face.

“Hey,” Dave started, closing the gap Karkat had made between them because he was so, so stupid. “It’s cool dude, don’t worry about it,” he leaned over, hand finding its way into Karkat’s hair to pull the troll into another kiss. 

He was an idiot and a fuck up and a liar and a god damn glutton for pain. 

The troll hesitated for a brief moment before starting to kiss back. This time it was slow and uncertain and sweet, not anything like the rough passion from when he first found him in the hallway. 

When they broke apart Karkat still looked unsure and Dave didn’t blame him. He had no idea what they were doing. He knew what he wanted it to be, and he knew what Karkat wanted it not to be, and those things didn’t work together so it was a weird middle ground and it was going to hurt no matter what he did. 

“You sure you don’t like me?” Dave asked, because he couldn’t find a way that this wouldn’t be painful as all fuck, and he figured he might as well as least try one more time. It’d could just give him away and end up making things worse but he wanted to try.

“No,” Karkat answered, and Dave just barely managed to keep himself from deflating in disappointment. Hard to be disappointed when you weren’t expecting anything different after all, or at least that’s what he was telling himself. 

“Okay, cool,” he said, leaning in for another kiss only for the troll to pull away from him.

“I said _no_ you idiot,” he said, and Dave just rolled his eyes, not sure if Karkat could see it from behind his shades but not wanting to risk any emotions leaking out. 

“Yeah, I know that. You’ve said no every time, it’s cool,” he said, sure he was saying way too much but for some reason Karkat didn’t seem to take much notice. 

“You’re not getting it! I said-” he started, sounding pissed, but Dave cut him off because he was not about to go through this again. He couldn’t stand the fucking begging again and they were cutting it too close. Karkat would find out and he didn’t mean anything to Karkat he just couldn’t do this.

“I know what you said and I don’t want to talk about this again dude. You’re the one who said there wasn’t anything to talk about so can we just stop?” he snapped, regretting it the instant the words left his mouth because now Karkat was the one who looked hurt. That wasn’t how this was supposed to go, he was the only one getting hurt here, Karkat was supposed to be fine. 

“Yeah, yeah sure whatever. It’s simpler that way,” he muttered, and Dave managed to nod in agreement. 

“Right, simpler,” the human echoed. It sure didn’t seem simple to him, but whatever. 

“So, friends?” Karkat asked quietly after a moment, sounding almost afraid to ask.

“Of fucking course dude, ain’t nothing messing with that,” he reassured, not needing to think about it for a second. Not being friends was the last god damn thing he wanted to happen, he couldn’t handle that and he liked to think that Karkat couldn’t either. From the sigh of relief that escaped the troll, he figured he’d been just as worried.

“Alright, good,” Karkat mumbled, and Dave nodded his head a bit too fast and a bit too sharply.

“Yeah, good.”

It wasn’t good, but he wasn’t about to let the troll know that. He’d deal with it on his own, because Karkat had already made himself perfectly clear. Dave didn’t mean a fucking thing to him, and there wasn’t anything he could do to change that. 

And he was perfectly fine with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add on a part two to this. Dave is such a dumb child, they both are. 
> 
> I'm unsure on whether or not I should do a part three, let me know what you think I suppose, and as always thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

If Karkat had been looking in from an outsider’s perspective, he would probably be in slight awe. Just utter fascination and wonderment on how someone could manage to fuck themselves over so god damn spectacularly. It was an honest to god skill, one honed through years of dedication and pain.  


He didn’t have an outsider’s perspective though, and so any awe he might have felt at the masterfully produced clusterfuck was instead replaced with an intense frustration and hopelessness.  


He might as well just chew his foot off, it’d hurt less than the way he’d been continuously shooting himself in it.  


There was only one thing he had wanted out of everything that was going on, and that was to be able to keep a simple wall up and not fall like some hopeless douchebag.  


He was such a douchebag. He was the biggest fucking douchebag on this rock and he had absolutely none of the hope.  


It was just- why did he have to- why did _Dave_ have to be so- and just fuck him so fucking-  


Just _why_ did he have to develop feelings for that asshole?  


He fucking promised that he wouldn’t. He made Dave promise that he wouldn’t. And then as soon as they parted ways after that an uncomfortable feeling started to pool in his digestion sack and he was able to ignore it for a while but then Dave had to go disappear for a god damn week and the longer he went without seeing him and worrying if he’d fucked up somehow that fucking feeling became more and more prominent.  


He still wasn’t sure what to even call it. That was probably what was fucking him up the most over this. He had _feelings_ for Dave and he couldn’t put them into words. If he could just do that he could maybe find a way out of his mess that would hurt both of them the least.  


But it wasn’t black and it wasn’t red and it wasn’t pale it wasn’t fucking _anything_ so why did I have to feel like it was god damn _everything?_  


He almost told Dave when he finally found him in some random dim hallway. He’d been a complete asshat like normal and tried to play it off like Karkat’s concern was nothing but the way he was acting Karkat knew he’d been avoiding him.  


He’d sounded so fucking pitiful when he asked if Karkat was sure that he didn’t like him still. He couldn’t fucking lie to that but it didn’t even matter. Dave didn’t understand his own shitty question, either that or he was purposefully pretending he didn’t so that shit didn’t get awkward.  


Not that Karkat hadn’t managed to take them both into a fucking nose dive into awkward and uncomfortable shit before that but fuck that was still in the ‘holy shit let’s repress the fuck out of that incident’ part of his thinkpan.  


In all of the mind blowing dumb as shit things his mouth had decided to let out without checking in with mission control first, pretty much admitting he’d be down to fuck if Dave was interested was really fighting for first prize here.  


Somehow though, miracles upon miracles, since that incident things had been mostly calm between the two of them. Neither brought it up and they just kept going through the motions of whatever fucked up life it was they had managed to settle into.  


Shit splitting fuck if it didn’t hurt though.  


Karkat tried to tell himself that he was lucky to have at least this much. At fucking least Dave was still his _friend_ and he didn’t mind the occasional (or not so occasional) sloppy makeout and didn’t care if maybe Karkat scratched him a little too hard sometimes or just wanted to lay on top of him and not do anything but bury his face in his neck while Dave ran his blunt human fingers through his hair.  


He was such a god damn fuck up that the fact that Dave was willing to even go this far with him was pretty unbelievable. He was grateful, really!  


He just wished he could fucking talk about the fact that he wanted more.  


He wished he could go five minutes without making another shitty mistake and probably hurting someone he really cared about in the process.  


“Hey.”  


Karkat hadn’t heard Dave walk into the room and only through sheer force of will was he able to hold himself back from jumping at the sudden voice.  


“Do you realize how fucking irritating it is when you sneak up on people like that?” he snapped instead, Dave just shrugging as he flopped down on the couch beside him.  


“Is that considered sneaking? I just walked into the room man, nothing elaborate,” he said. Karkat huffed, crossing him arms and not about to just give this up.  


“You’re as quiet as a goddamn squeakbeast and I have no idea how you manage that in a place that loves to echo every little noise as obnoxiously as possible, especially if you’re not trying to like you’re claiming,” he argued.  


“Natural Strider talent, we’re light on our feet. Maybe if you didn’t stomp everywhere you go you could manage to glimpse just a portion of what it is to be me on a daily basis,” Dave said, a joking cockiness to his voice. Karkat just rolled his eyes, brushing his should against him with quite a bit more force than was necessary.  


“I don’t fucking stomp everywhere, I just walk like a normal person instead of some flighty ass fake ninja,” he argued.  


“First of all, there ain’t nothing fake about my ninja cred. Second of all you totally stomp everywhere. I don’t think you can do a single thing quiet, you can’t even _breathe_ quiet man,” Dave said.  


“How I breathe and the volume at which I do it is none of your business,” Karkat told him, aware that he wasn’t getting anywhere in this fight. Dave chuckled, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling Karkat down with him as he laid across the couch.  


“I bet I can make you breathe _real_ loud,” Dave said, Karkat barely able to keep himself from laughing at him.  


“If that was supposed to be a pick up line it really fucking sucked,” he said, shifting himself into a more comfortable position on top of the other boy.  


“I don’t know man it seems to be working, couldn’t have sucked that much,” Dave said, leaning up to kiss along Karkat’s jaw up to his ear.  


“Nope, it was awful. Congratulations, I am now turned off forever. I might just stop breathing all together it’s too painful a reminder of that cringe inducing-” he was cut off my Dave covering Karkat’s mouth with his own. He already knew that Dave was going to do that and have pretty much just been rambling until he got on with it already. Karkat kissed him back, moving his arms up to run clawed fingers through Dave’s hair and try not to focus on how much this stabbed at him inside.  


He liked it. Doing this shit made him happy he fucking loved it he loved _Dave._  


He wasn’t able to hold back a flinch when that thought came to him, mentally cursing himself out at the fact as Dave drew back and gave him a concerned look.  


“You okay?” he asked, worry clear on his voice and Karkat hated the way it was so endearing and sincere. Dave clearly had problems getting opened and honest with people, Karkat would know, and the fact that the closest he ever seemed to get to it was around him was both the greatest thing ever and so fucking terrible.  


“Yeah, just keep kissing me,” he said, recapturing Dave’s lips with his own before he could answer. Thankfully Dave went along with it without any protest, melting into the kiss.  


The next time Dave broke away Karkat came close to biting him, not wanting a repeat of the first time they kept stopping to talk during all of this.  


He’d just fuck up again and hurt Dave and that was the last thing he wanted but he still couldn’t bring himself to just end this shit before it got worse (how much fucking worse could it possibly get? He was in so deep he couldn’t see the exit anywhere) and yet he couldn’t just go all the way with it either.  


“You sure you okay dude? Something seems off,” Dave asked.  


There were a lot of things he could say to that which wouldn’t further escalate the situation. Mostly, he could just fucking deny, deny, deny. He could tell him he was fine and pretend that everything was good and just fucking own up to the fact that he put himself in this position and just own up to it already.  


Dave didn’t have feelings for him and he’d set a god damn boundary saying he wouldn’t either and he needed to just live with his own fucking decisions already.  


“No,” he finally muttered, shifting to rest his head in the crook of Dave’s neck. Of course he couldn’t do shit the easy way he needed to ruin everything just like he always does. He didn’t know how he could have ever expected anything different. Dave carded a hand through Karkat’s hair as he spoke next, using his other hand to rub circles into the small of his back.  


“No, you’re not okay or no there’s nothing off?” he asked. Karkat couldn’t help but roll his eyes at that because god damn was this seriously going to be an ongoing problem here?  


“No I’m not okay, holy fuck learn to understand your own questions,” Karkat said, Dave chuckling nervously and shrugging.  


“Sorry, I think we’re both pretty damn aware that I don’t really think shit through before I speak,” Dave said. He shifted a bit, resting his chin on the top of Karkat’s head as he continued. “What’s wrong?”  


“You really have no clue?” Karkat asked back, cursing himself every step of the way. Dave was quiet for a moment before answering.  


“Maybe if you gave me a hint,” he said. He sounded hesitant as fuck and Jesus Karkat didn’t want to hurt him.  


He would too. Even if he was completely fine with Karkat having feelings for him, even if he fucking reciprocated, none of that that meant shit. Karkat had managed to successfully drag any potential relationship he’d ever had through the mud in such a spectacular way he was sure that he just wasn’t cut out for it. Study and obsess and think about relationships all he wanted that wouldn’t change the fact that there was something fundamentally wrong with him.  


He could never pick just one and he couldn’t ever be enough for someone to reciprocate that.  


“I’ve really fucked up with this,” he said after a moment. Dave was still calmly rubbing at his back and it felt so nice. He was going to screw this up and fuck he was going to miss it.  


“Fucked up with what?” Dave asked, being abnormally short with his words. It wasn’t like him to not go on a mile fucking long rant every chance he could.  


“ _This,”_ Karkat said, smothering himself even further into Dave. His bloodpusher was pounding in his chest and he swore that Dave could feel it. He didn’t do anything for a few moments, just continuing to run his hand through the troll’s hair as what Karkat said sunk in.  


“Do you want to stop?” he said quietly. If Karkat hadn’t been pressed on fucking top of him he might not have even heard.  


“No,” he said in an instant, not having to think about that for a second.  


Maybe if he was less selfish he would have thought it over and ended it before he fucked Dave over, but he was a douchebag through and through it seems.  


“Oh. Good,” Dave muttered into his hair. Karkat was taken a bit back by just how relieved he sounded. He didn’t know if it was a good thing or not.  


“Why’s it good?” he decided to ask, hoping maybe they could get off of questioning him for a bit. He could feel Dave shift under him as he shrugged.  


“I like doing stuff with you. I thought that was pretty obvious,” he said. Karkat stayed quiet for a moment because Dave liking this shit was fine but it wasn’t everything he wanted.  


He wanted fucking everything. He was so fucking selfish.  


“You still haven’t told me what’s wrong with this,” Dave said. Karkat half considered biting his neck and trying to distract him with make outs again. It pretty much worked last time, no reason why it couldn’t again.  


Except this time he’d admitted there was a problem so there was no fucking way Dave was going to let it go now.  


“I’m just a fuck up, okay? You deserve better,” he said, well aware that Dave wouldn’t just take that, but hoping none the less. As he thought, he could practically feel Dave rolling his eyes below him as he moved the hand in Karkat’s hair down to rub at his ear.  


“I’m not sure what it is you think I deserve, but I’d say I have it pretty fucking good. I mean, at least when it comes to you. The whole stranded on a meteor heading towards our possible imminent deaths thing yeah I’d agree with you on deserving better,” Dave said, starting to ramble again the slightest bit. Karkat was surprised by how much just that had calmed him down. If Dave was comfortable enough to act a bit normal again maybe he could as well.  


“Well at least there’s one common ground between the two of us,” he said, ignoring the first part of Dave’s little rant.  


“I’d say there’s a lot more than one, but sure it’s a good starting point,” Dave replied. “I’m still not sure what you’re getting at here though, think maybe you could elaborate?” he asked.  


Biting him was sounding better and better every passing moment, honestly.  


“Dude, Karkat like, if there’s something wrong we should talk about it,” Dave said when he didn’t answer.  


“Why? It’s not like we’re actually dating or anything,” Karkat muttered, wondering if Dave would pick up his bait. He both desperately wanted him to and frantically wished he hadn’t said that and Dave would just ignore him. He had no fucking clue which side was stronger here.  


“No, we’re not,” he said, back to sounding unsure of himself, “but I mean, that doesn’t mean we still shouldn’t talk. And like, you know we could be, if you wanted to,” he added, muttering the last part.  


It was very fucking hard for Karkat to keep himself from getting excited at those words but he just barely managed to because it still didn’t matter he’d fuck it up he would he always did.  


“Could be what?” he asked, figuring he shouldn’t go jumping to conclusions either. The hand on his back started tapping out a beat instead of the rubbing like before. Karkat would have been annoyed if it didn’t make it so clear how nervous Dave was right now.  


“Dating?” he said, his voice sounding tight, “You already said you ain’t interested though so just forget it because I’m cool with how things are now. I was just thinking might as well throw the option out there while we were talkin about it. Like seriously don’t think anything of it because I don’t want to fuck up what we have even if it’s not much because it’s just really great but I know I don’t actually mean shit to you and I’m cool with that as long as you are and Jesus fuck I need to stop talking,” Dave finally managed to shut himself up.  


Karkat pushed himself up so that he could actually look at Dave now, trying to let everything he’d said sink in. The longer he went without saying anything the more uncomfortable Dave looked.  


“Sorry if I just fucked everything up,” he muttered, Karkat pretty sure he was avoiding eye contact.  


“How the fuck could you think you don’t mean anything to me?” Karkat finally managed to ask. He wasn’t sure why out of everything he’d said that was the one thing that stuck out the most to him, but it did and holy fuck the idea that Dave could even think he felt that way was like a knife through his chest.  


“I… you said so yourself,” Dave answered.  


“Fuck what I said,” Karkat told him, leaning down again and stealing several kisses as he continued. “Fuck anything I’ve told you that would make you think I don’t fucking care about you. Holy shit I don’t know how you even deal with me,” he said. Dave let out a small laugh as he returned Karkat’s last kiss.  


“I like dealing with you man, that’s not a problem,” he said. Karkat sighed softly, leaning forward and letting his forehead rest against Dave’s.  


“I’m sorry,” he muttered, not even sure what he was apologizing for at this point. Everything, probably.  


“Don’t be,” Dave told him. “So, now what?”  


“What do you mean?” Karkat asked, not sure what else there was to all of this.  


“I guess just like, what are we? For the record so we can put all this to rest,” Dave said. Karkat was quiet for a while, trying to figure out what to say. He wanted to be something, and fuck Dave did too but he couldn’t put a fucking name to it and that bothered him.  


“If I told you that one of the reasons I’ve been so weird about this is because I haven’t been able to place it in a single quadrant how would you react?” he finally asked. He wasn’t too surprised when Dave started laughing, if not a little irritated.  


“Sorry, sorry,” he apologized, noticing the glare Karkat had fixed him with, “it’s just, you know I don’t really do or understand quadrants man. Of course I’m not gonna be all that good at sticking to one,” he said. Karkat sighed, leaning up a bit so that talking wasn’t too awkward with them both so close to each other.  


“Yeah okay I get that and it is expected from you, if it was just that I could deal with it! But it’s not just that, I can’t put my feelings for you into any one and that’s where it’s fucked up,” he tried to explain. It still didn’t look like Dave quite understood though.  


“Is that necessarily a bad thing? I mean, if we’re both more comfortable like this, then why not? I guess what I’m trying to say is I know how important the whole quadrant thing is to you, but if it’s not working and just making you miserable maybe we can just try out being like, human boyfriends instead?” Dave suggested, clearly hesitant to ask that last thing.  


Karkat was quiet as he thought it over. There was a voice in his head, telling him to end it now, that this was just going to fuck up and leave them both miserable because that’s what he did.  


He managed to crush down on these thoughts enough to nod.  


“Yeah, okay, we can try that,” he said at last, Dave instantly perking up.  


“Wait really? I mean, that’s cool, like awesome, yeah,” he said, trailing of a bit at the end. Karkat rolled his eyes and couldn’t keep himself from laughing at his reaction.  


Holy fuck why had he kept himself from this for so fucking long?  


“Yes, really. Maybe we won’t live long enough for me to fuck it up too bad,” he said, Dave quickly shaking his head.  


“Don’t think like that dude. Maybe we’ll live and manage to keep this from being a total train wreck,” Dave offered.  


“Yeah, maybe,” Karkat said, shifting to lie back down on top of Dave again.  


He was still in a bit of shock trying to believe that everything that had just happened had been real. Dave had returned to rubbing at his back instead of the nervous drumming and Karkat let his eyes close in contentment. If this was all still real when he woke up, maybe then he could start worrying about how they were going to make this work and the figure.  


Maybe he wouldn’t though. Maybe he could just try to let himself enjoy what was happening for once and not fuck it all up through overanalyzing. He had a feeling Dave was going to stomp out that shit pretty quick whenever he caught wind of it anyway.  


Besides, there was only half a year until they reached the new session. He didn’t even know how long he’d survive once they got there. If he didn’t live, he wanted to at least be able to have a bit of his life where he was just _happy._  


Wrapping his arms around Dave’s neck and pulling himself closer, Karkat figured this was as good as it was going to get.  


And for once he was honest to god fucking fine with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit I finally did the last part. I'd actually forgotten about this for a while, but people started noticing it again lately so I figured might as well. Finally giving the children their happy ending (before they go off to die horribly in game over, ah well.)
> 
> As always thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first time writing any kind of kissy scene, so I hope it didn't turn out too bad. Inspired by the song Despite What You've been told by Two Gallants, if anyone's interested. Thanks for reading.


End file.
